People think about getting ready for a baby and they think about nursery decor and sweet little outfits and the latest/greatest baby gear.
The fun stuff.
We have soft blankets folded and stored in his dresser drawers.
Cuddly cotton sleepers and onesies hanging in the closet.
Sidecar co-sleeper and swing assembled (and currently housing stuffed animals)
The not so fun but necessary stuff is ready too: breast pads, granny pads, and lots and lots of diapers.
Then we have our ‘just in case’ plans:
A month ago I hired a lactation consultant to make a home visit the day after we are supposed to get home from the hospital. Most people’s reactions were ‘why?’ instead of ‘good idea’. I had no problems breastfeeding my first son but nursing the monkey was a nightmare from day 1. Because I was busy chasing the two year old firefighter around I never got the help I needed and endured four months of bleeding, blocked ducts, cracks, and blisters. I know he weaned himself at 9 months because of all the problems we had along the way; breastfeeding was uncomfortable and frustrating for both of us.
I hope that this time it’s not teeth-clenching misery from the get-go but I’m not throwing caution to the wind. “It’s so expensive” is the comment I get most often from those who hear about my plans. The last time I checked formula-feeding a baby from birth onward can cost anywhere from $1500 to $2000 (plus bottles and accessories) and my lactation consultant is only $80 an hour.
The next appointment I scheduled was with our lawyer. We last updated our wills in 2006 after the firefighter was born and it’s time, once again, to make changes to our plans for custody and guardianship as well as how our estate is to be distributed. I learned, the hard way, as a grief and trauma counsellor, that when someone dies, especially a parent, families generally struggle to cope in the aftermath. People assume everyone will ‘come together’ and work out what’s best for their children but more often than not that isn’t the case.
On that gloomy note, what are some of the not-fun-but-practical-and-grown-up things you had to do as your family expanded?
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m like you. I planned for the worst, so that I could ensure the best outcome. In my case, people never got an opportunity to say “why?” — Hubby and I made our plans and we just told them to people as fact. I totally “get” this and I think a lactation consultant at the ready is a perfectly logical thing to do. Not because of the cost of formula, but because being able to breastfeed is important to YOU. You matter in this. I am thinking of you as you get ready for this big, big day! Wishing you wonders and rainbows and no bleeding nipples!
lol I hope to avoid the bleeding nipples this time too. There is nothing pretty or fun about that
I feel a sense of relief knowing we have the plans in place. We can’t ‘what if’ every eventuality but feeling like I at least have some bases covered makes me breath a little easier.
I’m hoping for wonders and rainbows too…I know it’ll help me forget the pain and swelling of today
We did the will thing shortly after DD’s birth. It’s so strange to plan for the “just-in-case” but we felt a lot of relief about getting our estate/guardianship for DD sorted out.
I hired a lactation consultant too. Upfront, the cost does seem a bit much but I found my consultant to be extremely helpful – a huge stress relief during a hectic, harried, sleep-deprived time.
I’m so glad I pre-planned the LC this time. I figured after BF’ing the firefighter successfully I’d have no troubles with the monkey; who knows what baby #3 will have in store
I am terrible at that type of planning. I still need to get a will
I never hired a lactation consultant and I regret that (with my first two anyhow, with D2 I had a midwife who was just as amazing as any LC). I wasn’t as informed as I should have been when I had my first two and I was embarrassed to ask for help. I honestly felt like a failure because I couldn’t do this “natural” thing. We are built to breastfeed aren’t we. Ha. Depressing actually. If I had known and done things differently I know my life would be very different today. Because the depression I had after both births was in part due to the fact that I was distraught over not being able to nurse adequately (in my eyes).
The most helpful thing I heard recently is that, like everything, breastfeeding is a learned skill. I couldn’t agree more because sometimes it feels like the most unnatural/natural thing we do. I’m hoping this time isn’t as hard as it was with the monkey but am relieved to know if it is that help is on its way!
I think you are so smart to book the LC! I hope things go smoothly, but I’m sure you will like having the reassurance even if they are. hiring an LC right away was the best thing I did. also, I highly recommend nipple shields if things are difficult when you are engorged.
When I had the firefighter I didn’t have any friends that were parents. With the monkey I at least had a support system and this time I have 5x that support and couldn’t feel more relieved that I have other moms to turn to if things aren’t going well. After your last email I went and picked up some Boob nursing tank tops
THANK YOU!! I am sharing this…can’t tell you how hard it is to convince people to spend the money and hire an LC. If it’s the difference between $160 and $2000, I think we all know what we’d rather spend (if we’re committed to breastfeeding, that is).
lol you’re welcome
With hindsight at least I know that (a) nursing is a learned skill (b) every baby is different. I was *so* surprised when nursing the monkey was hard after I’d nursed the firefighter within a single problem for 16 months. And $160 is cheap when you consider what we’d spend in formula, bottles, bottle warmers, drying racks, brushes etc.
Hello Sara,
I also think that the LC consultant is a super idea. I also had a nurse come into the house to help me get started. I enjoy your blogs and you are now on my favorites. I wish you and Jeremy, firefighter and monkey all the best in this new exciting addition to your already beautiful family. They are soooo adorable. Give Jeremy my love. I just new he would be a superdad!!!! Love to you all,
Jackie xoxo
It’s so good to hear from you Jackie…I’ll tell Jeremy you stopped by! I hope we see you after the baby arrives – it’s been too long
Is there a breastfeeding support group in your neck of the woods? I volunteer with one here and have had formal training as a breasfeeding support mother. It’s definately not the training of a lactation consultant but i am here if you need help! We offer monthly meetings for breastfeeding moms with different themes and a public health nurse on hand to answer any questions. The meetings are lead by a breasfeeding support mother. We also pair up breastfeeding mothers with a support mother who offers free telephone support. I think a lactation consultant is a great idea. I breastfed number 1 to 17 months and was surprised that at number 2, i had to re-learn the skill all over again! She’s 19 months and still nursing daily. Best of luck!
Not only are there several drop-in breastfeeding groups there’s also groups run by LC’s several times a week and I have several friends with BF support training. I plan to take advantage of all of it once I can drive again after the surgery. If nothing else it’ll be nice to get out of the house and meet other moms
Smart thinking.
I’ve had a very grown up responsible day and I’m about ready to go for a bike ride without a helmet. Then I’ll call to update our will.
Lol I’ll join you in your flaunting of being a grown-up…maybe I’ll play with matches…
So we STILL have not updated the life insurance, or even WRITTEN wills. Must get on that. For starters, I want to make sure our chosen guardian (my sister) is IN WRITING, so that there aren’t, er, any arguments.
And booking the LC in advance is a BRILLIANT idea. So there. Wish I’d thought of it.
Cripes. It just occurred to me that if my sister inherits my kids, she also inherits my MIL. I definitely need this stuff in writing, before the same thought occurs to her…
It really is worth the $ and unpleasantness; I can’t tell you how many families I watched battle it out over kids.
Our only dilemma was the whole ‘Sooo…who wants three boys?’ thing