To be honest this is how I feel about health, fitness, and weight loss right now:
Ambivalent. Uninterested. Negative. Overwhelmed. Frustrated.
BUT I also hate seeing this in the mirror:
(August 2012)
Two years ago I started a year long weight loss journey with a group blog, Losing it in Ottawa. This is me in August 2010:
And a year later and 52 pounds lighter in August 2011:
Curious about my journey? Here’s my first post and my one year anniversary post. A month after that photo was taken I peed on a stick and found out I was expecting our third child. A week after running my first half marathon I’d like to add! Nine months later here I am on the day he was born (May 2012):
He was worth of every stretch mark and extra pound.
I don’t know what I weighed the day he was born but I do know I’m 25 pounds heavier than I was when I started Losing It two years ago and that is hard to accept. In fact it grosses me out and disappoints me.
So here I am.
Again.
So how did I go so far off the rails when I was pregnant, especially after all the healthy habits I’d developed?
- 24/7 miserable nausea: Despite a prescription for Diclectin I felt disgusting all day, everyday. I ate whatever made me feel better and whatever didn’t make me gag.
- Exhaustion: Taking Diclection made me unbelievably drowsy as did taking care of my two boys and running my own business. September to December is also the busiest time of year for a lot of photographers (holiday photos) and I worked 30-40 hours a week with only part-time child care. Knowing I wouldn’t be eligible for maternity leave because I’m self-employed also made me reluctant to turn down any work that came my way. Plus there’s the fact that I LOVE what I do.
- Avoidance: When I binge and over eat my panic attacks and symptoms of anxiety are almost non existent. In fact I don’t even remember the last time I had a panic attack. I have a lot of strategies to deal with my anxiety but the reality is that food works best.
- External stress: You can’t control how other people behave only your own reactions (or so they say). Unfortunately the last three months of my pregnancy were filled with a lot of emotional circumstances that I couldn’t control and that I had trouble accepting and dealing with. I just needed to survive.
I don’t have an elaborate plan like last time. The only reason I’m throwing this post out into the universe is in hopes that the wonderful people who supported me last time are still around AND the two year anniversary of my journey with Losing It seemed like as good a time as any to start again.
Here are my goals:
1. Track every single piece of food that passes me lips. I’m using My Fitness Pal (username eisangel3 if you want to join me), which has apps for my iPhone and iPad (aka no excuses)
2. Using my FitBit get to 10,000 steps a day. It also connects to My Fitness Pal but I haven’t figured out the technicalities yet (read: the dusty FitBit is currently still charging)
3. Resolve my left foot issues. Since baby duck was born I’ve been having a lot of problems with my foot; my RMT suspects it’s plantar fasciitis. Whatever it is it hurts like an SOB and makes walking painful and difficult at time. I need to be able to walk before I can run again.
4. Since running is out of the question (and any type of weight-bearing exercise) for right now I want to get into the pool and start swimming laps or taking aquafit classes. Three times a week seems insanely impossible right now so that’s what I’m going to aim for.
So who wants to join me?
{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
I have just started a serious plan too: funny but I can’t eat whatever I want and expect to loose weight. How did I not know this? Hahaha Anyway, I have NEVER had the success that you have had, but I am hoping to someday be able to say “I lost 50lbs”. I am focusing on food for now and trying to move more. Once I can stick to my calorie goal on MyFitnessPal I will shift to being more focused on exercise. Good luck and know that you are not alone in this horrible journey.
PS – when I signed into MyFitnessPal I realized I had signed up for it in January 2009… when I was 18lbs lighter. So discouraging…
I’m with you! Food first, exercise later. Also I don’t have a lot of time for half marathons right now, unless I can convince baby duck to take a bottle
When you get to a 50 lb loss I’ll remind you that you should shout out “I lost 50 lbs” really loud.
Attagirl! I faced the same challenges during pregnancy (especially the nausea/Diclectin-related ones). When my 3 year-old was 9 months, I weighted as much as the day I had given birth *before* giving birth. I went on Weight Watchers, started training for the Army Half Marathon and lost almost all the weight before getting pregnant with the twins (sounds familiar?). The twins were born on the day of the Army Half Marathon the year after! I kept joking that if the labour thing went quickly I may still make it…
Anyway, as I am approaching my fourties I feel like I still have a window of easy fitness before it goes downhill so I’m back on the saddle. You and I live in the same neighbourhood so if my training schedule works for you, don’t hesitate to get in touch. I don’t have a lot of flexibility because of the number of kids but I would love the company!
I swim at R-F on Tuesday and Friday evening. 30 mn of laps at 9:00 pm followed by 30 mn of hot tub with my girl friend. I hope to increase the lap time to 45-60 mn but right now that’s all the boring my brain can take. ‘Cuz OMG laps are BORING!!!
I run 3-4 times a week, sometimes during the day, sometimes in the evening after 8:30. I don’t have a schedule per se because I run alone but if I had company, I would get my act together. I always run a 10:1 mn and I have 4 routes: 4k, 6K, 8K and 10K. I run really, really slowly. Slower than that and I’m walking. In fact, I got lapped by some power walkers during the Army Run. Yes, that slow. Never get injured though!
When I started running 15 years ago, my friend and I had this coop going where we would meet at her house (because she had more kids) and I would look after all our kids for 30 mn while she went for a run, then I would go while she watched my little ones. That was super.
I laughed when I read about your Army Run pregnancies and babies…I can’t believe a year ago I was training for the half. My goal right now is to get food under control and then focus seriously on exercise (as in training for something and not just faffing about). I’m going to get moving now in the pool (either water running or aquafit) and I think I’ll make May race weekend my goal. Because who wouldn’t want to run another half marathon
If I can figure out what to do with the baby I’ll join you for a walk/run!
Me! Me! I need a swimming buddy!
You can so do this again
For the last time right?
Please let this be the last time!
You can do it! (And I’m on My Fitness Pal, too, now, thanks to your earlier recommendation. I’m trying to get rid of the last few pounds of baby weight from Adi, and lose the nagging 15-20 that were there before she came along, too. I’ll add you as a friend.) I love that you’re posting here again, and I will be here to cheer you on, even if I’m not there in person.
I love that you’re here to cheer me on! I’m loving the My Fitness Pal iPad app except the inability to add friends whose usernames I have (but don’t have their emails). Are you working out or focusing on nutrition or both?
I use the app on my phone the most (mostly because Jared usually has the iPad), but I love it. I’m focusing on nutrition right now, since that’s what I have the most control over. I’m adding in some workouts as I can — a jog here and there, some hiking with Jared and Adi, and starting to ride every other week (!!!!!). One thing at a time works best for me, or I get overwhelmed.
Hey Sara – why not try biking or a rowing machine, that shouldn’t bother your foot and both are great cardio
I just had an invitation from a friend to go spinning
And I haven’t been on a rowing machine on years so I’ll try it. Thanks Chelsea!
I will still cheer you on from afar! Once again, I can totally relate! You can totally do this, one step at a time. And don’t be hard on yourself, you handled things the best you could, and now that you can handle doing better, you will.
PS I wish we could work out together…
I wish you lived closer because it’s so good to know you’ll be here again. We can cheer each other on and then maybe run another race together
I love how you say that he was worth every pound and stretch mark. So true, he is just lovely.
Best of luck with your goals, but go easy on yourself too. It’s early days yet and you have a lot gong on right now. Take care.
I look at him and just don’t care about anything else because he has brought so much joy to our family.
But I’ll look at him while looking in a mirror in hopes that I can dull the pain from the aftermath of a third pregnancy
You’re awesome Sara, just have to say!! You seem to have a really good understanding of how you use food in your life, and forgiving yourself for tough times is SO important. Pregnancy, by far, is the toughest thing I’ve had to deal with in terms of my body.
Although we don’t have the same experience over weight gain/loss, I can certainly relate to the lack of exercise. Ever since A was born, I have been totally out of shape (and this from a gal who also ran a half marathon before she got pregnant the first time!!) I can feel it in my exhaustion and my lack of coping skills for stress. Once this baby pops out, I will certainly join you on your journey of getting my fitness level back to what it once was!!
I *really* wasn’t sure I wanted to publish this post because I’m feeling like a big fat failure. BUT everyone was so amazing and supportive the last time and the accountability really makes a difference so here I am. It’s gonna suck and be hard and I’ll probably whine a lot but it’s time to get back on the healthy living band wagon
Guess who is now over 30lbs more than when we started losing it… And didn’t have a baby. Sigh.
I have many many excuses for this weight gain but have only just hit the “do something about it” phase. 3 weeks ago I started with a trainer. I’m tracking on my fitness pal again (omg I love the bar code scanning, did they have at before?!) and I’ve even considered blogging the whole thing again. Come September, there will be time again to really focus im hoping. And right now, I know I’m down about 5 lbs since I started, I’m off grains for a month and haven’t cheated once in my first two weeks of the challenge and I’m feeling pretty proud of myself.
All that to say, I feel ya, and let’s encourage each other again k?
I promise not to make fun of the celery
Why is this so unpleasantly hard? I just worry that come Fall I’ll have even less time so I’m doing everything I can now to get help so I have time to take care of myself.
Big high fives for the trainer and healthy eating!!!
I think you are SO BEAUTIFUL, and real and honest and brave. You have an amazing support network, and I have total faith you will find your way to feeling good and happy about yourself. Not an easy road, lots of bumps are sure to be there on the way, but you will do it
Cheering you on you talented beautiful Mama 
Aw thank you Katie
Can you move to Orleans to be my trainer? Pretty please!
I will definitely check this out while on vacay! I have lots of slow, quiet reflection time. I’ve done better with movement (lots more walking this year than ever before in my life!) Now on to the food piece. I have some ideas of changes I want to make…and I’ll look at this and see if I don’t want to join too!! Brave you putting yourself out there and pulling us all in…I’ve had many twists and turns and ups and downs on my journey with weight over the years…with you heart and soul on this)!
Thanks for stopping by today and commenting Adrienne. I’d like to get moving more because I think I’ll feel better about my body when it’s stronger. I’m hoping getting in the pool will help get me back on track to running again. But for me that’s the easiest part; the hard part is managing food!
Yay, Sara! You are awesome and beautiful, and you can and will do whatever you put your mind to! I relate to your post a lot and wish I could get my act together to lose some weight but am dragged down by my leg problems. The pool is probably the answer! Where will you be water running/ doing aquafit? Orleans? Will you take classes? I am a terrible swimmer but I love aquafit/water running! Please let me know where/when you are going and I’d love to join you if I can!!!
I’m a horrible swimmer too – all gaspy and flailing when I try to do anything resembling a proper stroke. I’m going to do the water running class at the Ottawa Athletic Club; hoping it’ll help me build my strength until I can hit the pavement. I should actually consider a few swimming lessons to work on my strokes as well; I think the firefighter can now do the breaststroke better than I can
Thank you for your kind words today…it means a lot.
Oh, in case you are not sure which Tara I am, see full name above.
I’m cheering for you! It’s hard to get back into shape after having a baby- and you’ve had three!!! It took me 18 months to get down to my pre-baby weight and back in shape. It was hard work and still is. I was inspired by your dedication when you started Losing It and I’ll be rooting for you again
That makes me feel a lot better because 18 months seems manageable, especially with everything else going on. I’m hoping once the firefighter is back in school I’ll have a bit more time but I’m thinking that as the duck naps less that may not be a plan I can rely on! At least I’ll have room in the stroller for the two not in the stroller and can get moving
You’re amazing and beautiful and inspiring!!! I’ve gained . . . too much . . . since getting married and having two babies, but have done little about it. I’m working on it now though, despite having torn ligaments in my knee a few weeks ago. Injuries suck when you’re old! Thankfully we do have the pool, so I’m trying to make sure I make good use of it every day as it seems to be the only think I can do thanks to the knee and like to do.
I joined My Fitness Pal too (can’t remember my user name but my email is: carlypat@rogers.com) and did well losing 2-3 pounds a week until the end of the June. Then we had birthday after vacation after birthday after all hell breaking loose. Now I’m having a hard time getting going again, but know I must. Thursdays were my “weigh-in” day so after celebrating another birthday today, I’m back on the wagon tomorrow.
I’ve never been a runner, but have always wanted to do it, do it well and enjoy it. Is that possible?
Injuries do suck! I’m at the point where I need to lose weight for my foot to improve and that was a huge wake up call. My weigh-in will be Monday or Tuesday to keep me in line on the weekends
I was really (REALLY) reluctant to start running and it was awful at the beginning but for some perverse reason I kept doing it. Being part of an amazing Running Room group helped through and eventually I did start to love it. It’s possible, I swear!
You go girl! I’m in such a blah stage right now. Really want to get started back in some type of fitness routine but can’t find the energy to do so. You’ve inspired me and I just downloaded that App today. Pretty eye opening when you pay attention to what you eat. Also, kinda pissed that breastfeeding isn’t listed under cardio workouts. Will have to add that to make up for my lack of exercise today
Search ‘Breastfeeding’ in My Fitness Pal (under food) and it comes up with a -500 option for exclusively BF babies
I’m giving myself until September to get into an exercise routine; as soon as the firefighter is back at school I’ll be able to fit 2/3 of the kids in the stroller to walk!
Way to go, I know you can do it again!
You also inspired me to download that App. It really does make you aware and accountable for every little thing that you eat! I added you as a friend (Snoopy849), so we can push eachother 
If I didnt live on the other end of town I would certainly join you for swimming! Its such a good workout and a nice alternative to running when my shin splints get too bad!
Yay!! It’s scary to see isn’t it. You should move east…there’s a really nice lady that lives nearby with a pool who would love having baby M nearby
Oh me. I guess. If I have to. I haven’t gotten my behind moving in weeks.
But packing is an awesome workout! I lost weight when we moved from all the packing and DIY moving.
Sara, you are so very beautiful! I totally understand dealing with anxiety with food (not to mention a glass of wine at night). Don’t be too hard on yourself. You have a lot going on and I don’t know how you do it all. You are an inspiration, not only to all the young mothers here, but to me, too. I applaud you.
Thank you Robin, that means a lot